Adopted: Loss, love, family and reunion by Jo Willis and Brigitta Baker

I am not adopted, but the experiences of these women (authors Jo Willis and Brigitta Baker) hit close for me. The authors, both now living in Hawke's Bay, were adopted in different parts of New Zealand in an era when it was believed that a clean break was best for all involved. They each tell their own story: of childhood, of what they were told of their adoption, of the desire to know where they came from, and the ups and downs of searching for, finding, and building relationships with their birth families. Then their birth mothers tell about their experiences. The final part of the book presents the perspectives of Willis' and Baker's partners and children. 

As the appendix states, New Zealand is a small country with extremely high adoption rates between WWII and the late 1970s. Nearly everyone knows an adopted person, someone who relinquished their child, or both, or many of these people. Probably most New Zealanders are personally affected in some way; in my experience, we talk about it only superficially, if at all. For this reason, I think all New Zealanders should read this book. I'd love to see more open discussions about the impact these adoptions have had on all of us.

My mother relinquished her first-born in 1975. I have a half-sister, raised by a different family, whom I barely know. Their relationship is strained to say the least.

This book helped me understand a little of what my sister's expectations might have been when she met my mum (I was there, but completely oblivious to the tension), and explains why that relationship broke down. My sister was a teenager and without the tools to express what she needed; my mother was also without those tools for so many other reasons.

This book helped me understand a little of my mother's experience - something I've always desperately wanted to know, but have never been able to ask about. It answered a few questions and made me aware of so many more questions I've always had but have never been able to articulate. It left me feeling raw. 

Find Adopted: Loss, love, family and reunion in our libraries. 

22 September 2022

Back to Blog Archive